WAIT! DON'T KILL YOURSELF YET!

On some level deep down where nobody knows, you’ve got to feel exhausted. I mean, not just tired, but totally worn out inside, like you’re just really sad about you don’t even know what.

Well, you do.
Your life and the choices you’ve made. Plus all the things you have to face about how it all goes way back--your whole life and what must have happened to you before you even remember that led you here. Your last life. Maybe even your previous life.
And when you see that you can’t do anything about it, and you have to accept that this is your life, and it’s hard. You have to try to tap into your beliefs and dedication to get rejuvenated.
If you are disappointed with yourself and you feel like a loser, from here on in to avoid the depression, it’s prayer, meditation or medication.
Where are you?
Why are you here?
After all your efforts, to end up in THIS place? You probably never thought you’d end up this way. You really didn’t. Who could have predicted it would come to this?
OK Maybe you are being ridiculous. Maybe this is just another of your stupid embarrassing fantasies. Maybe it could never happen the way you dream of it because it’s all in your head. And maybe it’s going to end just like all the other have. You’ll get over it. You’ll wake up, take a shower, go to work and keep going.

But...just this once, what if it could happen the way you have pretended it could? As much as you know it’s stupid and ridiculous. You keep doing it, keep making up the story, playing the movie in your head, Naturally you’d be embarrassed if anyone knew, but of course, they all know. People are probably kind enough not to laugh in your face.

But they are not there. They aren’t in your heart to see the happiness you could feel.
Even if you know something is stupid and impossible, but there is something else inside you, a voice from inside your soul that tells you to go on with it– even though you may get kicked in the teeth, used, abused, laughed at, made fun of, pitied and looked upon as a pathetic, tragic, self-deluding fool, you still follow that road like a damned idiot, whether you are headed for heartbreak or oblivion.
Why?
Because there is a certain joy and ecstasy to allow your soul to speak to you. Not in words, but in the music that is the language of birds and trees and lizards and the supreme experience of touching another human being and being touched by him or her in the highest possible way. It’s what every person longs for, why some people patrol dark corridors, search in late night bars and bare their hearts on Internet dating sites.

And when you find it– what then?
Is there anything more delicious than creating a fantasy in your head? Something you really want to happen, and then having it come true so you can actually live it out? Only thing is, one of the hardest things to do in this life is give up that fantasy when it’s time for the dream to end…